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Child Inside Be Heard

by Bob and the Trubadors

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1.
Child Inside Be Heard 06:18
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Child Inside Be Heard What if everything I thought was gospel Proved a mere concoction of absurd Would I kick my heels up, would I drink from His cup Would I let my child inside be heard As a kid, an elementary singer Used to mount the stage and let it rip Holy Oklahoma, I was right there in the moment Six-gun cowboy shooting from the hip Seems though I was long-gone by eleven Made a pact and stuck to it, by gar Never more to sing on stage, so much for the playbill page Rather sit in judgment from afar What if everything I thought was gospel Proved a mere concoction of absurd Would I kick my heels up, would I drink from His cup Would I let my child inside be heard In a dream, the master at my shoulder Walks me round the campus with a smile Tells me I’m a leader, that I was always meant to be there Says that he’s been waiting for awhile In my head the voices spurn his welcome Leader, schmeader, this must be a ruse All you do is follow, and it’s a bitter pill to swallow But that’s the way it is for timid fools What if everything I thought was gospel Proved a mere concoction of absurd Would I kick my heels up, would I drink from His cup Would I let my child inside be heard I’ve been called a drifter and a loner Kept my distance, let nobody in Way back I was jilted, my passion flower wilted And never would it ere bloom again So fear, it seems, is what I was afraid of Fear of being open and alive Fear of feeling pain and hurt, a heart beneath this flannel shirt So much for my pride What if everything I thought was gospel Proved a mere concoction of absurd Would I kick my heels up, would I drink from His cup Would I let my child inside be heard
2.
Mr. Dream Dude 04:04
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Mr. Dream Dude Forty-some and single I had shopped the mix and mingle But the right one, she was still amiss Somehow she’d eluded me, and hadn’t come to set me free With one head-spinning Francais kiss So that was uber-tragic, and something that I had to right And though I never spoke it, even twist my arm and broke it I was desperate as a peacenik in a fight So Mr. Dream Dude, give it to you short and sweet You got three months to fix me up, and put me back on the street complete Well he sat there in his chair and tugged his bushy facial hair Perched his glasses on a mostly hairless head He didn’t laugh or smile or show me photos of the Nile To cut the tension that was thick as soda bread And we just sat there, must have been a week or two Until he finally looked up from the dream where I was hooked up By the cops and said, Is this feeling new? Mr. Dream Dude, hell no, it’s as old as time Three squares a day, an upper bunk, I like it in jail just fine Then he said, What you did here was jail-break through the door of fear And found yourself inside a darkened school But seems you couldn’t stay and join the other kids at play So right back to your prison bunk and gruel And you can stay there, that, my friend, is up to you But if you’re flat tired of a life that burns no fire Your dreams will tell you what you have to do Mr. Dream Dude, whatcha trying to say to me That if I just follow the path they lead, that my dreams will set me free Well you shoulda heard the hoopla in my head from all the voices as they said That I was crazy as a loon And how could I be taken by this shyster, so mistaken Cause the white-coat folks were coming for me soon But fifteen years later, here I am to tell the tale Of all the me that’s dropped away so I can be that kid at play The me who’s finally busting out of jail So Mr. Dream Dude, dreams, it seems, have stoked my life Don’t feel alone, found me a home, though still haven’t found me a wife
3.
All Comes Back To Me 06:07
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All Comes Back To Me Left sleeve of my wallet, faded picture of her there She was just a toddler then, with lighter, shorter hair She’s in a hockey jersey, like the one I wore to threads when I was three And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me Sammie’s all of ten now, curled up reading on my bed Five Septembers ago, I left town in a fit of red I blamed her mom, I blamed a god who wouldn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t leave me be And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me The romance of my wanderlust, a sultry witch’s brew Cause good luck trying to burn the bridge that leads right back to you Cause when I close my eyes the towns and people left behind are what I see And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me On Highway 2, in western Maine, near Mexico, the mill The anger finally busted into pain, I feel it still And then began the spiral to the depths and to my desperation plea God don’t let me lose her, and it all came back to me God don’t let me lose her, and it all came back to me So love, then, for my daughter, was the starting point, the thread The straw that broke the camel’s back, so I could feel instead And from that blend of pain and love emerged the little girl who live in me And you know I didn’t lose her, and she was finally set free And you know I didn’t lose her, and she was finally set free Left sleeve of my wallet, faded picture of her there She was just a toddler then, with lighter, shorter hair In a hockey jersey, it’s the one I wore to threads when I was three And today I have my little girl, and so much more of me Today I have my little girl, and so much more of me I’ve got my little girl, and so much more of me Got my little girl, right here with me
4.
Child Long Forgotten 04:46
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I’m your child long and I’ve long forgotten How I let myself leave you I’m your child long forgiven, resting in your arms Young boy knocks on my door, says “I miss you” Hasn’t been a day without his memory in my heart I walk outside to hold him in my arms But who should be holding who here There’s a young girl she slides down the banister It’s all I can do to keep up with her I’d follow her down to the ends of the earth There I find I remember Chorus I sit down to dinner with their whole family Spill my milk on the table, We all burst out laughing But now I see all along the jokes been on me Wasn’t a day without you there watching But I kept to myself and made my own way Cause I could only rely on my meaningless bootstraps to save me Final Chorus I’m your child I always will remember I long to be in the arms of thee
5.
Little Pot Of Gold 05:44
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Little Pot Of Gold In a couple short months I’ll be sixty Two more rent checks and I’ll be old Would have thought by now I’d have a mortgage Maybe even two and a winter home Would have thought by now I’d own a condo by the beach With a big ornate gate, make it hard to rob Instead I’m up here in the north with bills and wood to stack And pushing now a decade without a real job So the voice inside my head says, You’re a failure How you gonna live now that you’re old How’s about that journey now to seek and save your soul And tell me, where’s your little pot of gold The voice inside my head, well, he’s got a point there And he knows all my buttons all too well And when he trips the one that’s labeled Guilt and Cousin Shame He can punch my ticket right to hell Cause when I’m in that smoke-fog I see nothing And I’m about as lost as lost can be Yet when I feel that lostness and I truly call for help Well then I’m on the path that leads to me But the voice inside my head says, You’re a failure How you gonna live now that you’re old How’s about that journey now to seek and save your soul And tell me, where’s your little pot of gold I don’t know the first thing about semantics I don’t know the last thing that I learned Unless it was to unlearn all the things I thought I knew Heave them in the pyre and watch them burn But maybe there’s some irony in that fire, to be sure Cause Guilt and Cousin Shame, they want me small Yet when I feel this growth spurt of the soul-kid here in me Well suddenly my autumn’s golden fall Then the voice inside my heart sings, You’re alive now And how you gonna live now that you’re old How’s about the journey now to seek and save your soul And tell me, where’s your little pot of gold
6.
From Within Me 04:04
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From Within Me Give me the words Unlock this place Show me the depths Desire runs like a river from my heart A river From within me From where I cannot see From within me From where my Father speaks Oh… Make me weightless I have no more use for right Turn me slowly Turn my face to the light The blue light From within me From where I cannot see
7.
Smiling Boy 04:45
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I see you walking down a country road hands in your pocket you are kicking a stone you don’t know where you’re going but you don’t care the world is your playground, and you’re right there and I feel you now my boy you are smiling so bright my boy let’s go down to the old swimming hole let’s go down to the sea show me the snails that you found on the rocks show me the things I forgot and I feel you now my boy you are smiling so bright my boy you take my hand and we go down the road I take your hand we are going home kicking stones you and me, wild and free see the blue blue of your eyes an endless day under an endless sky so sweet you are inside and my soul can not be denied when I’m with you my boy and you are smiling so bright my boy knocking on my window pane come on out you seem to say come on out now, come on out and play it’s a big world now why can’t you see but I do see you now my boy and you are smiling so bright my boy you take my hand and we go down the road I take your hand we are going home kicking stones you and me, wild and free smiling boy
8.
Hold On, Mr. Seigal 05:46
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Hold On, Mr. Seigal Been so good at packing up and leaving Cutting ties and heading down the road Everything I owned, it had to fit into the pickup And damnit, nothing else was gonna tag on my load Down a dusty dirt road south of Santa Fe Barely stood a fake-adobe shack Called it then my getaway, my little haven off the grid Goodbye cruel world…and that was that But what that was, or tried to be, it wasn’t Cause good luck trying to leave it all behind Cause every time I took a breath and tried to feel some peace There’d be this cacophonic blather in my mind But hold on Mr. Seigal, I’m a comin’ Thirty years later, but I’m here Hold on Mr. Seigal, I’ve been so far from myself That I couldn’t even feel that you were near I remember a lookout, Ghost Ranch mesa Way up in the highlands, all alone Nothing but the wind, a whispered voice inside my head Says this is close as you’ll ever get to feeling home But what that was, or tried to be, it wasn’t That vista buzz, it petered, and was gone Cause though I loved the earth-toned hues and ponderosa air You know, you just can’t solo sing a duet song So hold on Mr. Seigal, I’m a comin’ Thirty years later, but I’m here Hold on Mr. Seigal, I’ve been so far from myself That I couldn’t even feel that you were near
9.
One Million Things 04:03
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One Million Things Chorus I’ve a million things to say, I’ll no longer hold my tongue. Maybe I will make mistakes, but I won’t leave this task undone. Playing catch I throw the ball at you, a little too hard, sometime things like that just happen, maybe it was an accident.  No, we know better don’t we.   And when I confess to you, you say its ok, because you are not harmed by me, in fact you understand me, you know what lies behind the wall I hide behind. What lies behind is the hatred of all that you are: your open heart your fearless smile, your bandaged head, your mended heart, your fierce love for me, you’re not afraid of me and you never were. You’re not afraid of me you never were It’s I, who have everything to fear. It’s I who have everything to fear when I am not you.   Bridge Long have I lived without your guidance I’ve let my pride stand in my way Now I will break my vow of silence I have one million things to say Chorus Playing catch you throw the ball to me, I catch it jumping high feeling delightful and free, sometime things like this just happen It’s no accident we know better don’t we. Chorus  
10.
First Strings in Bristol 04:07
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From this ragged edge confronting me Anger inside I didn’t want to see Proudly peering off into the sky I denied my self But I did not know why Broken by women untaught by men So long since I believed what the churchmen said Gabriel the demon wrecked my car Showed me angry independence Wasn’t going to get me very far When the first angry word was screamed In my first strings in Bristol I felt the tear inside of me In my first strings in Bristol The orderly accident of smoking cars Perfectly arranged with the snapping arc of God Mysterious images made perfectly clear to see When I wasn’t desperately caring For everyone but me My boy was even there standing in his place I could only apologize, turn and walk away Hating the passive man through angry gritted teeth I just couldn’t even start to feel all this pain underneath This crazy postman called me out In my first strings in Bristol The brutal truth was shown throughout In my first strings in Bristol As I laid that night with the love of my life He came to me with a hunting knife Instead of soothing me, as I was hopin’ He gently laughed with me Then he cut me wide open
11.
Waking Up 03:49
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I feel so tight inside twisted up and tied into a thousand knots living in toxic shock If I could, I would I’d scream into the night I’m tired of being so frigging good I’m tired of doing what I think I should hey, hey I hear the pouring rain Sometimes I think I’m too sane For my own good And if I only, only could I’d scream, I’d shout I’d scream into the night I’m tired of being so frigging good I’m tired of doing what I think I should hey, hey Don’t tell me your lies cause I can see now and I am wise to Your deception, manipulation I’m waking up, losing hesitation Don’t think I don’t see you Darkness comes and I want to break through I want my energy I want to be free I want to live the soul in me I feel a weight life My body starts to shift I'm waking from a deep Paralyzing, paralyzing sleep I can and I will I’ll scream into the night I’m tired of being so frigging good I’m tired of doing what I think I should, hey hey
12.
Sing Myself to Sea 05:23
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Used to sit for hours by the ocean Little sandy cove where no one went Had a little notebook and I’d jot down great big thoughts Pondered how my life had so been spent Seems I always came up short on answers So I’d often turn back to the sea As if it held some secret that I couldn’t live without As if some shanty tune might rescue me So I’m right there songin’, in my needin’, in my longin’ Can’t you hear me callin’ that I’m dyin’ to be free Flat exhausted, reelin’, I’ve been hooked on double-dealin’ Wanna set sail feeling, wanna sing myself to sea Wanna set sail feeling, wanna sing myself to sea Dreamt I’m with my daughter in Bermuda Frolicking a sand strip by the shore Breakers pounding right beside and slurping at our heels Undertoe a-hissing, wanting more Then somehow I turn into my daughter And turning then toward the roiling sea I feel the massive pull beneath and swallowed by the sound I let that churning water carry me So I’m right here songin’, in my needin’, in my longin’ Can’t you hear me callin’ that I’m dyin’ to be free Don’t you know I’m healin’, I’m so done with double-dealin’ Kinda feel like kneeling, gonna sing myself to sea
13.
Omega Man 03:59
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Omega Man Is that what you need to be? Standing strong against the hurricane Unfailing for your family The waves will break upon you Until the end of time You rage against them so fiercely You can’t hear they’re calling you in… Omega man The way your father lived The storms broke upon him They took all he could give They took him away in pieces When you were still a boy If you could hear his voice now He is saying let the waves, boy Pull you in… Solos Omega man I was mean when we were young Thought I did for the least of my brethren You remained the staunch unsung I turn at last to see you Was Lost but now I’m found You have gone to stand the point I can only cry out loud And be pulled in…
14.
God Lives in My Heart 04:03
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Last week I saw my uncle Bill The loneliness that lives upon the hill His younger brother Landon passed away My grandfather I never knew God-fearing man who would not suffer fools His youngest son, the fool, died angry, in pain I was with Landon at the end He had so few breathes left, a heart to mend He seemed a bitter broken soul, but I know Chorus: God was in his heart And he turned to him day to day And for all his faults From God’s love never turned away I’ve been like Landon all my life No family of my own, no kids no wife The loneliness lives on inside The bitter anger on my tongue “You never cared for me” since I was young There’s never been a love for me This is way I turn from Him Justified in my hurt life seems so grim But there’s one thing I truly know God lives in my heart And I’ll turn to Him day to day And for all my faults Not a soul does he turn away
15.
I Don't Need to Hide 04:53
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I feel wild hope in my dreams these dreams Cause I’ve been sleeping for a long, long time I hear coyotes they are calling my name Calling me from the darkness of night chorus I don’t need to hide from you I can feel that this this is true I’ve been curled up deep inside and there is nothing more to do but feel the fire of my desire I want more wildness and much less hardness to know that I can find my heart but that’s the edge not easy to live to trust this fire and fall apart repeat chorus Bridge Something gold turned to rust I let it fall and it got lost I see it shining down below The river’s come to wash me clean Take me out from in between The place I can not feel your love Your love This is a wild ride, there is nothing certain a blood rose cracks through hard concrete I am shaking from the inside out but there is nowhere else I would rather be repeat chorus
16.
Charlize Theron, Be My Girl 04:46
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Charlize Theron, would you be my girl Your name’s a twister but I’d give it a whirl I know it sounds a little crazy and all I’m 5’10” shrinking, you’re probably tall But that’s no reason to be freezing out the possibility Of a little cosmic magic between you and me Charlize, I’m older, I won’t tell you no lie I’m mostly bald and got these droopy sad eyes But in this dream I had, well, we were a pair Of star-crossed lovers with nary a care And since I’ve learned to trust my dreams, well, what do you say Would you meet me out for coffee, how about later today Charlize, honey, let’s cut right to the chase This ain’t about you or your heavenly face It’s rather all about my struggle to see The things that I have done to circumvent me And all this hiding in the shadows of just who I might be If I open up my heart and what I want gets set free Charlize, I’ve dampened everything I desire A cold wet compress on the flames of my fire Afraid of losing or rejection, it seems I’ve never walked up to the girl of my dreams And said, I’d like to dance with you now, if you please Ah, that devil on my shoulder…She’s way out of your league And that shoulder demon’s right now chirping at me …Silly old dreamer, Hollywood wannabe But I’m not buying it, no, not in this heart Cause I’ve been to hell and back and earned this new start And there ain’t no one gonna tell me I’m a minor league Joe So I’m stepping up to this plate and it’s time for you to go So, Charlize Theron, would you be my girl Your name’s a twister but I’d give it a whirl I know it sounds a little crazy and all I’m 5’10” shrinking, you’re probably tall But that’s no reason to be freezing out the possibility Of a little cosmic magic between you and me
17.
Dream Deeply 04:13
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I’ve been traveling since the break of day, Bound for what, I can not say And if there is a lake beyond what I see it is my dream And if I want to wash I must dream deeply I must dream deeply - deeply in me In the distance water seems to bar my way, When I get there only shimmering rays. Chorus It’s been so long since I found this place Out where my illusions break I lay my clothes down Down along the shore And I lay my clothes down And I dreaming deeply I must dream deeply I must dream deeply Deeply in me I’ve been traveling since the break of day It’s been so long since I’ve found this place…
18.
Crossroads 04:16
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At the crossroads, I faced a choice, In return for hard work, I’d become an artist, give up my soul. Then I’d never have to feel the longing and the anguish the terror and the grief. Well it seemed like a good deal at the time but in the fine print it said: It’s the child who feels these things, and only the child can sing. At the crossroads, a young boy stands, wonders where I’m bound for. I’ll make my own way and leave him there. Cuz what goods a young boy when a man must tell his story, no matter how he lies. Well it seemed like a good deal at the time but in the fine print it said: It’s the child who feels these things, and only the child can sing. I was a young man at the crossroads, getting ready to make a deal. They’d give me all the gifts to be someone, and I would never have to feel. I made a sacrifice, gave my soul, never knew the cost. I gained a world of praise and in return, the child in me was lost. I stand before the boy, his hand on me, he’s crying “see what I have found, here is the mark of god upon this man” and I fall upon the ground. Down at the crossroads, stands a young boy His love I truly understand. He’s looks me in the eye I realize, this time I’m gonna go with him.
19.
Lifelines 04:43
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As I gaze into this mirror See these lines that mark my face They are the trenches of my war-zone My embattled human space All those nights that I have spent there Closed my eyes but couldn’t sleep And though I see now how I craved it I just couldn’t even weep And in those desperate darkest hours With my cheek pressed against the mud Well I’d have sworn the god of terror Was about to swill my blood But when I called out to the night air When I stumbled to my knees When I reached out there was someone Who was there to hear my pleas I know few things now for certain Most days the sky it isn’t blue But I can say that in my life I’ve had a taste Of I-know-you And all those existential questions That shook and rattled in my head Have mostly fallen onto deaf ears But I’ve found the cure instead Cause when I called out to the night air When I stumbled to my knees When I reached out there was someone Who was there and heard my pleas And so I’m grateful to that night air Even to the terror I have felt Cause in those deepest darkest moments Devil’s grip began to melt So as I turn back toward the mirror And to these lines that etch my face I can see now they’re the lifelines That have led me to this place…
20.
Animus Song 03:57
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When you come I can not hide I’m feeling you from deep inside And every night you come to me I’ve run so fast I could not see You are there now every night I don’t know how I don’t know why I turned away I ran with fright I turned away shut down the light chorus You keep coming and I keep running I’m tired of pushing you away You keep coming I keep running But I’m not going to run away no more Looking out I see the green A new day that is opening And last night’s dream still fresh inside My heart is cracking wide A way so sweet has never passed This broken heart but now at last I feel each night the love you bring I feel you teaching me to sing You keep coming I keep running I’m tired of pushing you away You keep coming and I keep running But I’m not going to run away no more
21.
Beloved 04:23
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22.
Feel My Dying Near 05:38
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This heart of mine, so hard to soften Built these walls to hide my fear Let my guard down, not too often A man of means, a pioneer Lifetimes younger, thought me stronger Growing hunger yet unknown I raced headlong through my maelstrom Thought I’d make it through alone Lay beside me and untie me From these coils around my heart I have fought you, never thought you My salvation from the start Now it seems there is no distance From my fear and pain and me And all my waiting now is over Your storm will sweep me out to sea And on the brink of all unknowing Here where everything is clear A blue-eyed pilgrim’s love song Feel my dying near So lay beside me and untie me From these coils around my heart I have fought you, never thought you My salvation from the start On the brink of all unknowing Here where everything is clear A blue-eyed pilgrim’s love song Feel my dying near
23.
Turn to You 04:04
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When I look outside and cold November gray Has veiled the mountaintops and has for several days When that weather’s in my head and aims to stay What I have to do, what I need to do Is go inside and turn to you When I withdraw from myself into a shell When I’m thoroughly convinced this day’s from hell When I can’t discern the wishing from the well What I have to do, what I need to do Is go inside and turn to you In my lifetime such a famine of the heart As though feeling passion were just some esoteric art And I can’t believe I chose the oxen and the cart When what I have to do, what I need to do Is go inside and turn to you But like a sailor who’s been landlocked far too long Yet he’s at sea now, cast adrift inside a song And he sings his heart out with a voice that’s true and strong Cause what I have to do, what I need to do Is go inside and turn to you What I have to do, what I need to do Is go inside and turn to you

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released May 6, 2014

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Bob and the Trubadors Montpelier, Vermont

Bob and the Trubadors offer up a fertile brew of original music, folk-based with shades of blues, jazz and world music.

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