Child Inside Be Heard

by Bob and the Trubadors

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      $12 USD  or more

     

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
04:45
8.
9.
10.
11.
03:49
12.
13.
03:59
14.
15.
16.
17.
04:13
18.
04:16
19.
04:43
20.
03:57
21.
04:23
22.
23.
04:04

credits

released May 6, 2014

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Bob and the Trubadors Montpelier, Vermont

Bob and the Trubadors offer up a fertile brew of original music, folk-based with shades of blues, jazz and world music.

contact / help

Contact Bob and the Trubadors

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Child Inside Be Heard
Child Inside Be Heard

What if everything I thought was gospel
Proved a mere concoction of absurd
Would I kick my heels up, would I drink from His cup
Would I let my child inside be heard

As a kid, an elementary singer
Used to mount the stage and let it rip
Holy Oklahoma, I was right there in the moment
Six-gun cowboy shooting from the hip

Seems though I was long-gone by eleven
Made a pact and stuck to it, by gar
Never more to sing on stage, so much for the playbill page
Rather sit in judgment from afar

What if everything I thought was gospel
Proved a mere concoction of absurd
Would I kick my heels up, would I drink from His cup
Would I let my child inside be heard

In a dream, the master at my shoulder
Walks me round the campus with a smile
Tells me I’m a leader, that I was always meant to be there
Says that he’s been waiting for awhile

In my head the voices spurn his welcome
Leader, schmeader, this must be a ruse
All you do is follow, and it’s a bitter pill to swallow
But that’s the way it is for timid fools

What if everything I thought was gospel
Proved a mere concoction of absurd
Would I kick my heels up, would I drink from His cup
Would I let my child inside be heard

I’ve been called a drifter and a loner
Kept my distance, let nobody in
Way back I was jilted, my passion flower wilted
And never would it ere bloom again

So fear, it seems, is what I was afraid of
Fear of being open and alive
Fear of feeling pain and hurt, a heart beneath this flannel shirt
So much for my pride

What if everything I thought was gospel
Proved a mere concoction of absurd
Would I kick my heels up, would I drink from His cup
Would I let my child inside be heard
Track Name: Mr. Dream Dude
Mr. Dream Dude

Forty-some and single I had shopped the mix and mingle
But the right one, she was still amiss
Somehow she’d eluded me, and hadn’t come to set me free
With one head-spinning Francais kiss
So that was uber-tragic, and something that I had to right
And though I never spoke it, even twist my arm and broke it
I was desperate as a peacenik in a fight

So Mr. Dream Dude, give it to you short and sweet
You got three months to fix me up, and put me back on the street complete

Well he sat there in his chair and tugged his bushy facial hair
Perched his glasses on a mostly hairless head
He didn’t laugh or smile or show me photos of the Nile
To cut the tension that was thick as soda bread
And we just sat there, must have been a week or two
Until he finally looked up from the dream where I was hooked up
By the cops and said, Is this feeling new?

Mr. Dream Dude, hell no, it’s as old as time
Three squares a day, an upper bunk, I like it in jail just fine

Then he said, What you did here was jail-break through the door of fear
And found yourself inside a darkened school
But seems you couldn’t stay and join the other kids at play
So right back to your prison bunk and gruel
And you can stay there, that, my friend, is up to you
But if you’re flat tired of a life that burns no fire
Your dreams will tell you what you have to do

Mr. Dream Dude, whatcha trying to say to me
That if I just follow the path they lead, that my dreams will set me free

Well you shoulda heard the hoopla in my head from all the voices as they said
That I was crazy as a loon
And how could I be taken by this shyster, so mistaken
Cause the white-coat folks were coming for me soon
But fifteen years later, here I am to tell the tale
Of all the me that’s dropped away so I can be that kid at play
The me who’s finally busting out of jail

So Mr. Dream Dude, dreams, it seems, have stoked my life
Don’t feel alone, found me a home, though still haven’t found me a wife
Track Name: All Comes Back To Me
All Comes Back To Me

Left sleeve of my wallet, faded picture of her there
She was just a toddler then, with lighter, shorter hair
She’s in a hockey jersey, like the one I wore to threads when I was three
And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me
And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me

Sammie’s all of ten now, curled up reading on my bed
Five Septembers ago, I left town in a fit of red
I blamed her mom, I blamed a god who wouldn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t leave me be
And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me
And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me

The romance of my wanderlust, a sultry witch’s brew
Cause good luck trying to burn the bridge that leads right back to you
Cause when I close my eyes the towns and people left behind are what I see
And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me
And you know I almost lost her, and it all comes back to me

On Highway 2, in western Maine, near Mexico, the mill
The anger finally busted into pain, I feel it still
And then began the spiral to the depths and to my desperation plea
God don’t let me lose her, and it all came back to me
God don’t let me lose her, and it all came back to me

So love, then, for my daughter, was the starting point, the thread
The straw that broke the camel’s back, so I could feel instead
And from that blend of pain and love emerged the little girl who live in me
And you know I didn’t lose her, and she was finally set free
And you know I didn’t lose her, and she was finally set free

Left sleeve of my wallet, faded picture of her there
She was just a toddler then, with lighter, shorter hair
In a hockey jersey, it’s the one I wore to threads when I was three
And today I have my little girl, and so much more of me
Today I have my little girl, and so much more of me
I’ve got my little girl, and so much more of me
Got my little girl, right here with me
Track Name: Child Long Forgotten
I’m your child long and I’ve long forgotten
How I let myself leave you
I’m your child long forgiven, resting in your arms

Young boy knocks on my door, says “I miss you”
Hasn’t been a day without his memory in my heart
I walk outside to hold him in my arms
But who should be holding who here
There’s a young girl she slides down the banister
It’s all I can do to keep up with her
I’d follow her down to the ends of the earth
There I find I remember

Chorus
I sit down to dinner with their whole family
Spill my milk on the table, We all burst out laughing
But now I see all along the jokes been on me
Wasn’t a day without you there watching
But I kept to myself and made my own way
Cause I could only rely on my meaningless bootstraps to save me

Final Chorus

I’m your child I always will remember
I long to be in the arms of thee
Track Name: Little Pot Of Gold
Little Pot Of Gold

In a couple short months I’ll be sixty
Two more rent checks and I’ll be old
Would have thought by now I’d have a mortgage
Maybe even two and a winter home
Would have thought by now I’d own a condo by the beach
With a big ornate gate, make it hard to rob
Instead I’m up here in the north with bills and wood to stack
And pushing now a decade without a real job

So the voice inside my head says, You’re a failure
How you gonna live now that you’re old
How’s about that journey now to seek and save your soul
And tell me, where’s your little pot of gold

The voice inside my head, well, he’s got a point there
And he knows all my buttons all too well
And when he trips the one that’s labeled Guilt and Cousin Shame
He can punch my ticket right to hell
Cause when I’m in that smoke-fog I see nothing
And I’m about as lost as lost can be
Yet when I feel that lostness and I truly call for help
Well then I’m on the path that leads to me

But the voice inside my head says, You’re a failure
How you gonna live now that you’re old
How’s about that journey now to seek and save your soul
And tell me, where’s your little pot of gold

I don’t know the first thing about semantics
I don’t know the last thing that I learned
Unless it was to unlearn all the things I thought I knew
Heave them in the pyre and watch them burn
But maybe there’s some irony in that fire, to be sure
Cause Guilt and Cousin Shame, they want me small
Yet when I feel this growth spurt of the soul-kid here in me
Well suddenly my autumn’s golden fall

Then the voice inside my heart sings, You’re alive now
And how you gonna live now that you’re old
How’s about the journey now to seek and save your soul
And tell me, where’s your little pot of gold
Track Name: From Within Me
From Within Me

Give me the words
Unlock this place
Show me the depths

Desire runs like a river
from my heart
A river

From within me
From where I cannot see
From within me
From where my Father speaks
Oh…

Make me weightless
I have no more use for right
Turn me slowly

Turn my face to the light
The blue light

From within me
From where I cannot see
Track Name: Smiling Boy
I see you walking down a country road
hands in your pocket you are kicking a stone
you don’t know where you’re going but you don’t care
the world is your playground, and you’re right there

and I feel you now my boy
you are smiling so bright my boy

let’s go down to the old swimming hole
let’s go down to the sea
show me the snails that you found on the rocks
show me the things I forgot

and I feel you now my boy
you are smiling so bright my boy

you take my hand and we go down the road
I take your hand we are going home
kicking stones
you and me, wild and free

see the blue blue of your eyes
an endless day under an endless sky
so sweet you are inside
and my soul can not be denied

when I’m with you my boy
and you are smiling so bright my boy

knocking on my window pane
come on out you seem to say
come on out now, come on out and play
it’s a big world now why can’t you see

but I do see you now my boy
and you are smiling so bright my boy

you take my hand and we go down the road
I take your hand we are going home kicking stones
you and me, wild and free
smiling boy
Track Name: Hold On, Mr. Seigal
Hold On, Mr. Seigal

Been so good at packing up and leaving
Cutting ties and heading down the road
Everything I owned, it had to fit into the pickup
And damnit, nothing else was gonna tag on my load

Down a dusty dirt road south of Santa Fe
Barely stood a fake-adobe shack
Called it then my getaway, my little haven off the grid
Goodbye cruel world…and that was that

But what that was, or tried to be, it wasn’t
Cause good luck trying to leave it all behind
Cause every time I took a breath and tried to feel some peace
There’d be this cacophonic blather in my mind

But hold on Mr. Seigal, I’m a comin’
Thirty years later, but I’m here
Hold on Mr. Seigal, I’ve been so far from myself
That I couldn’t even feel that you were near

I remember a lookout, Ghost Ranch mesa
Way up in the highlands, all alone
Nothing but the wind, a whispered voice inside my head
Says this is close as you’ll ever get to feeling home

But what that was, or tried to be, it wasn’t
That vista buzz, it petered, and was gone
Cause though I loved the earth-toned hues and ponderosa air
You know, you just can’t solo sing a duet song

So hold on Mr. Seigal, I’m a comin’
Thirty years later, but I’m here
Hold on Mr. Seigal, I’ve been so far from myself
That I couldn’t even feel that you were near
Track Name: One Million Things
One Million Things

Chorus
I’ve a million things to say, I’ll no longer hold my tongue. Maybe I will make mistakes, but I won’t leave this task undone.

Playing catch I throw the ball at you, a little too hard, sometime things like that just happen, maybe it was an accident.  No, we know better don’t we.
 
And when I confess to you, you say its ok, because you are not harmed by me, in fact you understand me, you know what lies behind the wall I hide behind.

What lies behind is the hatred of all that you are: your open heart your fearless smile, your bandaged head, your mended heart, your fierce love for me, you’re not afraid of me and you never were.

You’re not afraid of me you never were It’s I, who have everything to fear. It’s I who have everything to fear when I am not you.
 
Bridge
Long have I lived without your guidance
I’ve let my pride stand in my way
Now I will break my vow of silence
I have one million things to say
Chorus

Playing catch you throw the ball to me, I catch it jumping high
feeling delightful and free, sometime things like this just happen
It’s no accident we know better don’t we.
Chorus  
Track Name: First Strings in Bristol
From this ragged edge confronting me
Anger inside I didn’t want to see
Proudly peering off into the sky
I denied my self
But I did not know why

Broken by women untaught by men
So long since I believed what the churchmen said
Gabriel the demon wrecked my car
Showed me angry independence
Wasn’t going to get me very far

When the first angry word was screamed
In my first strings in Bristol
I felt the tear inside of me
In my first strings in Bristol

The orderly accident of smoking cars
Perfectly arranged with the snapping arc of God
Mysterious images made perfectly clear to see
When I wasn’t desperately caring
For everyone but me

My boy was even there standing in his place
I could only apologize, turn and walk away
Hating the passive man through angry gritted teeth
I just couldn’t even start to feel all this pain underneath

This crazy postman called me out
In my first strings in Bristol
The brutal truth was shown throughout
In my first strings in Bristol

As I laid that night with the love of my life
He came to me with a hunting knife
Instead of soothing me, as I was hopin’
He gently laughed with me
Then he cut me wide open
Track Name: Waking Up
I feel so tight inside
twisted up and tied
into a thousand knots
living in toxic shock

If I could, I would
I’d scream into the night
I’m tired of being so frigging good
I’m tired of doing what I think I should hey, hey

I hear the pouring rain
Sometimes I think I’m too sane
For my own good
And if I only, only could

I’d scream, I’d shout
I’d scream into the night
I’m tired of being so frigging good
I’m tired of doing what I think I should hey, hey

Don’t tell me your lies cause
I can see now and I am wise to
Your deception, manipulation
I’m waking up, losing hesitation
Don’t think I don’t see you
Darkness comes and I want to break through
I want my energy I want to be free
I want to live the soul in me

I feel a weight life
My body starts to shift
I'm waking from a deep
Paralyzing, paralyzing sleep

I can and I will
I’ll scream into the night
I’m tired of being so frigging good
I’m tired of doing what I think I should, hey hey
Track Name: Sing Myself to Sea
Used to sit for hours by the ocean
Little sandy cove where no one went
Had a little notebook and I’d jot down great big thoughts
Pondered how my life had so been spent

Seems I always came up short on answers
So I’d often turn back to the sea
As if it held some secret that I couldn’t live without
As if some shanty tune might rescue me

So I’m right there songin’, in my needin’, in my longin’
Can’t you hear me callin’ that I’m dyin’ to be free
Flat exhausted, reelin’, I’ve been hooked on double-dealin’
Wanna set sail feeling, wanna sing myself to sea
Wanna set sail feeling, wanna sing myself to sea

Dreamt I’m with my daughter in Bermuda
Frolicking a sand strip by the shore
Breakers pounding right beside and slurping at our heels
Undertoe a-hissing, wanting more

Then somehow I turn into my daughter
And turning then toward the roiling sea
I feel the massive pull beneath and swallowed by the sound
I let that churning water carry me

So I’m right here songin’, in my needin’, in my longin’
Can’t you hear me callin’ that I’m dyin’ to be free
Don’t you know I’m healin’, I’m so done with double-dealin’
Kinda feel like kneeling, gonna sing myself to sea
Track Name: Omega Man
Omega Man
Is that what you need to be?
Standing strong against the hurricane
Unfailing for your family

The waves will break upon you
Until the end of time
You rage against them so fiercely
You can’t hear they’re calling you in…

Omega man
The way your father lived
The storms broke upon him
They took all he could give

They took him away in pieces
When you were still a boy
If you could hear his voice now
He is saying let the waves, boy
Pull you in…

Solos

Omega man
I was mean when we were young
Thought I did for the least of my brethren
You remained the staunch unsung

I turn at last to see you
Was Lost but now I’m found
You have gone to stand the point
I can only cry out loud
And be pulled in…
Track Name: God Lives in My Heart
Last week I saw my uncle Bill
The loneliness that lives upon the hill
His younger brother Landon passed away

My grandfather I never knew
God-fearing man who would not suffer fools
His youngest son, the fool, died angry, in pain

I was with Landon at the end
He had so few breathes left, a heart to mend
He seemed a bitter broken soul, but I know

Chorus:
God was in his heart
And he turned to him day to day
And for all his faults
From God’s love never turned away

I’ve been like Landon all my life
No family of my own, no kids no wife
The loneliness lives on inside

The bitter anger on my tongue
“You never cared for me” since I was young
There’s never been a love for me

This is way I turn from Him
Justified in my hurt life seems so grim
But there’s one thing I truly know

God lives in my heart
And I’ll turn to Him day to day
And for all my faults
Not a soul does he turn away
Track Name: I Don't Need to Hide
I feel wild hope in my dreams these dreams
Cause I’ve been sleeping for a long, long time
I hear coyotes they are calling my name
Calling me from the darkness of night

chorus
I don’t need to hide from you
I can feel that this this is true
I’ve been curled up deep inside and
there is nothing more to do
but feel the fire of my desire

I want more wildness and much less hardness
to know that I can find my heart
but that’s the edge not easy to live
to trust this fire and fall apart

repeat chorus

Bridge
Something gold turned to rust
I let it fall and it got lost
I see it shining down below
The river’s come to wash me clean
Take me out from in between
The place I can not feel your love
Your love

This is a wild ride, there is nothing certain
a blood rose cracks through hard concrete
I am shaking from the inside out but
there is nowhere else I would rather be

repeat chorus
Track Name: Charlize Theron, Be My Girl
Charlize Theron, would you be my girl
Your name’s a twister but I’d give it a whirl
I know it sounds a little crazy and all
I’m 5’10” shrinking, you’re probably tall
But that’s no reason to be freezing out the possibility
Of a little cosmic magic between you and me

Charlize, I’m older, I won’t tell you no lie
I’m mostly bald and got these droopy sad eyes
But in this dream I had, well, we were a pair
Of star-crossed lovers with nary a care
And since I’ve learned to trust my dreams, well, what do you say
Would you meet me out for coffee, how about later today

Charlize, honey, let’s cut right to the chase
This ain’t about you or your heavenly face
It’s rather all about my struggle to see
The things that I have done to circumvent me
And all this hiding in the shadows of just who I might be
If I open up my heart and what I want gets set free

Charlize, I’ve dampened everything I desire
A cold wet compress on the flames of my fire
Afraid of losing or rejection, it seems
I’ve never walked up to the girl of my dreams
And said, I’d like to dance with you now, if you please
Ah, that devil on my shoulder…She’s way out of your league

And that shoulder demon’s right now chirping at me
…Silly old dreamer, Hollywood wannabe
But I’m not buying it, no, not in this heart
Cause I’ve been to hell and back and earned this new start
And there ain’t no one gonna tell me I’m a minor league Joe
So I’m stepping up to this plate and it’s time for you to go

So, Charlize Theron, would you be my girl
Your name’s a twister but I’d give it a whirl
I know it sounds a little crazy and all
I’m 5’10” shrinking, you’re probably tall
But that’s no reason to be freezing out the possibility
Of a little cosmic magic between you and me
Track Name: Dream Deeply
I’ve been traveling since the break of day,
Bound for what, I can not say

And if there is a lake beyond what I see it is my dream
And if I want to wash I must dream deeply
I must dream deeply - deeply in me

In the distance water seems to bar my way,
When I get there only shimmering rays.

Chorus

It’s been so long since I found this place
Out where my illusions break

I lay my clothes down
Down along the shore
And I lay my clothes down
And I dreaming deeply
I must dream deeply
I must dream deeply
Deeply in me

I’ve been traveling since the break of day
It’s been so long since I’ve found this place…
Track Name: Crossroads
At the crossroads, I faced a choice, In return for hard work,
I’d become an artist, give up my soul.
Then I’d never have to feel the longing and the anguish
the terror and the grief.

Well it seemed like a good deal at the time but in the fine print it said: It’s the child who feels these things, and only the child can sing.

At the crossroads, a young boy stands, wonders where I’m bound for.
I’ll make my own way and leave him there.
Cuz what goods a young boy when a man must tell his story, no matter how he lies.

Well it seemed like a good deal at the time but in the fine print it said: It’s the child who feels these things, and only the child can sing.

I was a young man at the crossroads, getting ready to make a deal. They’d give me all the gifts to be someone, and I would never have to feel.

I made a sacrifice, gave my soul, never knew the cost.
I gained a world of praise and in return, the child in me was lost.

I stand before the boy, his hand on me, he’s crying “see what I have found, here is the mark of god upon this man” and I fall upon the ground.

Down at the crossroads, stands a young boy His love I truly understand. He’s looks me in the eye I realize, this time I’m gonna go with him.
Track Name: Lifelines
As I gaze into this mirror
See these lines that mark my face
They are the trenches of my war-zone
My embattled human space
All those nights that I have spent there
Closed my eyes but couldn’t sleep
And though I see now how I craved it
I just couldn’t even weep
And in those desperate darkest hours
With my cheek pressed against the mud
Well I’d have sworn the god of terror
Was about to swill my blood
But when I called out to the night air
When I stumbled to my knees
When I reached out there was someone
Who was there to hear my pleas
I know few things now for certain
Most days the sky it isn’t blue
But I can say that in my life I’ve had a taste
Of I-know-you
And all those existential questions
That shook and rattled in my head
Have mostly fallen onto deaf ears
But I’ve found the cure instead
Cause when I called out to the night air
When I stumbled to my knees
When I reached out there was someone
Who was there and heard my pleas
And so I’m grateful to that night air
Even to the terror I have felt
Cause in those deepest darkest moments
Devil’s grip began to melt
So as I turn back toward the mirror
And to these lines that etch my face
I can see now they’re the lifelines
That have led me to this place…
Track Name: Animus Song
When you come I can not hide
I’m feeling you from deep inside
And every night you come to me
I’ve run so fast I could not see

You are there now every night
I don’t know how I don’t know why
I turned away I ran with fright
I turned away shut down the light

chorus
You keep coming and
I keep running
I’m tired of pushing you away
You keep coming
I keep running
But I’m not going to run away no more

Looking out I see the green
A new day that is opening
And last night’s dream still fresh inside
My heart is cracking wide

A way so sweet has never passed
This broken heart but now at last
I feel each night the love you bring
I feel you teaching me to sing

You keep coming
I keep running
I’m tired of pushing you away
You keep coming and
I keep running
But I’m not going to run away no more
Track Name: Feel My Dying Near
This heart of mine, so hard to soften
Built these walls to hide my fear
Let my guard down, not too often
A man of means, a pioneer
Lifetimes younger, thought me stronger
Growing hunger yet unknown
I raced headlong through my maelstrom
Thought I’d make it through alone

Lay beside me and untie me
From these coils around my heart
I have fought you, never thought you
My salvation from the start

Now it seems there is no distance
From my fear and pain and me
And all my waiting now is over
Your storm will sweep me out to sea
And on the brink of all unknowing
Here where everything is clear
A blue-eyed pilgrim’s love song
Feel my dying near

So lay beside me and untie me
From these coils around my heart
I have fought you, never thought you
My salvation from the start

On the brink of all unknowing
Here where everything is clear
A blue-eyed pilgrim’s love song
Feel my dying near
Track Name: Turn to You
When I look outside and cold November gray
Has veiled the mountaintops and has for several days
When that weather’s in my head and aims to stay

What I have to do, what I need to do
Is go inside and turn to you

When I withdraw from myself into a shell
When I’m thoroughly convinced this day’s from hell
When I can’t discern the wishing from the well

What I have to do, what I need to do
Is go inside and turn to you

In my lifetime such a famine of the heart
As though feeling passion were just some esoteric art
And I can’t believe I chose the oxen and the cart

When what I have to do, what I need to do
Is go inside and turn to you

But like a sailor who’s been landlocked far too long
Yet he’s at sea now, cast adrift inside a song
And he sings his heart out with a voice that’s true and strong

Cause what I have to do, what I need to do
Is go inside and turn to you

What I have to do, what I need to do
Is go inside and turn to you