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Alligator Tears (Live)

from O Boss Man by Bob Murray and Jeremiah McLane

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lyrics

My father’s birthday is in September
Turns eighty first day of the fall
His health is hanging on, still got lots of kick
But that number, well, you wonder about it all

We walked a beach once, Carolina
Must be fifteen years ago
The gulls were squawking, it was windy, it was cold
He was speaking truths I didn’t want to know

He was harping about decisions
Said he cared and that was why
He felt the need to lay it all out in the sand
My whole trail of woe and then he stopped to cry

You were sorry, oh so sorry, for the things that I had done
What I heard was, heed my words, son, get a life cause you got none

So I lit out of there as fast as I could go
Couldn’t take those alligator tears
That’s how I’ve judged them every time that he chokes up
More often now with all these passing years

Seems so strange to know that that was what I thought
That he could fake his love for me
As if I myself could simply turn that faucet on
And my apple falls directly from his tree

You were sorry, oh so sorry, for the things that I had done
What I heard was, heed my words, son, get a life cause you got none

Then last visit we were downstairs, my old room
The scene of all my jumbled youth
Through his harmonica we found some common ground
But it was time to play a song that spoke some truth

I chose the one about my darling little girl
The one I never make it through
I felt the tears well up and let them all come out
It seemed like there was nothing left to do

I was sorry, truly sorry, for the things that I had done
But still what I heard was, heed my words, son, get a life cause you got none

So I was standing there and sobbing through my song
But not self-conscious in the least
Not feeling silly or embarrassed or all wrong
Seems the demon that belittles me had ceased

My vision blurred so much I couldn’t see his face
But I could hear him just the same
And it felt so good to hear him crying right out loud
As though his tears could somehow ease my pain

You said sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for you, son
You said sorry, you were sorry, as if our pain were truly one

Something happened that day in that basement room
Some things I’ll never understand
But from that moment on my life has somehow changed
At 55, I’m 21, a man

And I’m sorry, Dad, I’m sorry, that I’ve often judged you wrong
Yes I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ve been weak but now I’m strong

My father’s birthday is in September
We’ll celebrate this special year
I pray you live to greet 100, dear old man
I’ll toast you, Dad, through alligator tears

credits

from O Boss Man, released December 2, 2013

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Bob and the Trubadors Montpelier, Vermont

Bob and the Trubadors offer up a fertile brew of original music, folk-based with shades of blues, jazz and world music.

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