There is a well-known story in American music of a man who meets the devil at a crossroads. The devil promises the man super human musical ability, fame and fortune if he will give up his soul. When I set out to write this song, I thought of myself as that man, and my story goes like this: I’ve always felt good about myself as a professional musician. I’ve acquired skills in an area many people hold in high esteem. The deal I told myself I was making was that in return for a life devoted to the hard work it takes to master the art of music, I would become a gifted artist, one who pours his soul into music, capable of moving others, of bringing beauty and passion into the world. What I didn't want to see was that I made this deal primarily so that I would never have to feel my deeper feelings of fear, pain, longing, and inadequacy. These are the feelings my soul feels, whether I acknowledge them or not, and it is only this soul, or child, self that can create music that is honest and true. Without access to the feeling place of the child in me, I could create music that was pleasing and soulful but only in a compartmentalized way: there was a discrepancy between the potency, passion and presence in my music and the lack of these things in my life. I believed I was the person others saw in me and I imagined I could live out my life this way, suffering the setbacks and victories of being an artist in this world. I was noble, I had my integrity and though I didnbe have huge commercial success, I told myself I didn't need that for validation, I had a kind of success that went deeper than that: I had my art and the adoration of the few who could appreciate that. But it was always clear to me something was lacking; I knew I was not living in my soul; the child in me was dormant. One way this manifested in my career was that I became the consummate accompanist, I never sang songs myself, but was always there to support others in their singing. This changed when I began to sing myself, and opened up to feelings of vulnerability and pain. In writing the song Crossroads and exposing the deal for what it really was, I took a huge step forward in reclaiming my soul, and feeling all my feelings, not just the pain and fear but the love and longing as well.

Jeremiah, April 2014